I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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