I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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