its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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