my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
