If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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