conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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