In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
