Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
