Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
