I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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