and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
