We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
