I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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