i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
