I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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