Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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