Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
