i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
