She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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