and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Randomize
