I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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