Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
