You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
