first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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