so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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