dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
