need another drink. this is the easiest way
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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