i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
