You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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