I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she looked like the before picture.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
