I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
