I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
