I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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