A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
