just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
