I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
