And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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