I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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