I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
