oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
