She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have tasted many bathrooms
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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