I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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