im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
