ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
