Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sext me about skeletons
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
