if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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