I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
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how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
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She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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