I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
