This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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