Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
