I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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