Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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