At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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