saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
