I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
