hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
