Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
