That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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