I wish i was in the wii world.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
