I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
