The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
