I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
