forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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