So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
